Sucky Days.

Today sucks.

It is ONLY Monday.

It is ONLY 11:30.

It is ONLY January (ok its pretty much February).

BUT...

in 96 days. I will be enjoying a full week of these... With my favorite person on earth!

That is what will get me through to the end.

One more reason... Remember when it was my turn?

Well Jon just text me and told me he will be graduating in August!!!

I am so proud of him!

I am still trying to convince him to walk (in May),

he doesn't want to, but I have a feeling I might win.

Save the date: May 5, 2011!

(and a few days after that we will be jetting off on our awesome trip, now we have one more things to celebrate!)

Legit smiles.

Smiles were all legit on my wedding day.... and that has continued.

While driving home last night and listening to Carrie's "Mama's song"

I decided I wanted to go back to my wedding day (big surprise)

but then I got to thinking.... my life is even more awesome right now

I am happier than I have ever been

I have nothing to complain about

Jon and I are loving life

We have an awesome trip planned for our anniversary

(and I am SO excited about it... 101 days!)

We love talking about our future

I love the possiblities for our future

Things are moving along great

Married life is fantastic

I love Jon

I love life

P.S. How cute is this picture?

Jon in 50 ish years (or now)

My dad.

a few days ago we celebrated my dads birthday.

Everybody had a good time (except Katie babe) ok maybe she had a good time after we let her hold the candles. My dad is amazing. People tell me I take after him in MANY ways (maybe not ALL the amazing qualities but some of them). I always looked up to my dad and had a goal to marry a man with his qualities. He is the best dad anybody could ask for. Happy Birthday POPS!

Sorry Grandma/Mom

I went over to my mom's house last night and she told me my grandma was probably disappointed in me because I haven't posted for awhile. Being busy in my moms eyes wasn't a god enough reason so....

Random phone photos are what you get for today!

Jon and I went to the store can you guess the items he picked out? The man loves chips (his argument was we needed some in storage... he is a bit nervous about being without chips.)

We went out for Holly's birthday and little Katie babe looked so cute in her coat. Isn't she precious? If you want to see the funniest video EVER click here. Last night she called both Jon and I and left the cutest message. I love that girl! and finally, we were over at Jon's parents and something amazing happened. Kate was friendly! She and Jon laughed as the stuck their tongues out at each other. Oh I can't wait for the days when he teaches our kids inappropriate things. I can already see myself scowling at him and saying "Jon don't teach them that!".

Hope you have a great weekend! We have some fun plans that I am excited about!

Also my cute great grandma (yep I said great) passd away this week.

She was such a sweetheart and we will miss her!

Really? I don't believe, but I am still angry.

I am having a slight identity crisis today, I went from:

- confident

-ambitious

-generous

-loyal

-encouraging

(Leo weaknesses)

-pretentious

-domineering

-melodramatic

-stubborn

-vain To....

- loyal

-dependable

-caring

adaptable

-responsive

(cancer weaknesses)

-moody

clingy

-self- pitying

-oversensitive

-self-absorbed

Thank you astrologists I will now have to spend the rest of 2011 figuring out who I really am. Does this mean I have to change who I am, or am I just going to morph into this new person...?

A little behind.

Lets start with yesterday: my dad got released from his calling as bishop, it was sad to watch him because he loved it so much. I learned yesterday how big the soft spot in my heart for my dad is (probably because we are so alike)

(dad skiing- yeah I am that good too.)

New Years Eve

We went bowling like always...

Katie bowled a 102 and stole my money We went to dinner and then to my parents to watch to girls celebrate aroound 6:45 After that Jon and I went over to Cj's house to enjoy a little kinect action and ring in the new year!

Gratitude

I am grateful for 2 little girls who left a cute picture and candy on our doorstep. Jon was very upset that he didn't get to see them but felt loved anyways. (apparently Jon is a Super hero)

I am grateful for a cute little family who came over and played Kinect with us. We enjoyed feeling a part of the neighborhood, and their little girl was SO cute and fun.

I am grateful for 2 little nephews who kept us in their prayers.

I am grateful for the Brooklyn and Ellie who were concerned and said little prayers for Jon.

and since it is a special day for somebody... I am grateful for my SIL Holly.

She is raising 2 very cute girls, she is very thoughtful and helps little E deliver pictures to her uncle's doorstep after his tramatic day. Happy Birthday Holly! I hope you get everything you wish for!

I just can't stop thinking about it.

(there may be typos, confusing statements, or just random stuff, I am still a little shakin up.)

Tuesday January 4, 2010: After a nice long weekend I thought it was going to be back to work as usual. I heard Jon in pain as he tossed and turned throughout the night, he has been having leg pain and it hurts to transfer from side to side. He seemed fine when I got up so I went in the bathroom to get ready. It is normally quiet as I get ready so when I heard a little noise I started to wonder. I heard some movement and then a weird grunt from Jon, I thought he was outside the bathroom door trying to scare me while waiting for the bathroom. I opened the door and walked out, at this point I had a clear shot to the table, he had turned on the light so I could see him clearly. He was limp and leaned up against the wall slowly falling down. I ran over screaming his name, there was no response. He kept slipping and was falling off the chair by the time I got over to him. I helped him to the floor, his left leg was on the chair in front on him (he has no idea how it got there), I kept screaming through the tears as I still got no response from him. I rubbed his chest and asked if he could hear me, I slightly tapped his face and tried to get something out of him. Finally after what seemed like FOREVER he opened his eyes and looked at me in confusion, it seemed like he didn't know who I was, where he was, or why I was standing over him. I asked if he was ok, he just laid there looking at me in confusion and then went into full body shakes.I sat with him and asked him questions for a few minutes until he stopped shaking. He still didn't seem to be all there as I kept asking him questions. His eyes were glazed over and his face was pale. I told him I was going to take him to the hospital. He was not shaking so I threw on some clothes and rush up the stairs yelling for Sara to help me, she asked what was wrong and I tried to explain. She called 911 as I ran back to be with Jon. He was shaking again, so I sat, doing nothing, just waiting there next to him he finally told me he could get his body to stop. Sara ran down and asked questions and gave advice from the 911 dispatcher. He stopped again and I called my boss, it was about 6:30 at this time and I woke her up. I semi-calmly told her I might be late to work. She asked me what was wrong and I told her I was waiting for the ambulance with Jon, she asked what was wrong with him and I burst into tears and told her I didn't know. Thank goodness she was so understanding and supportive, she told me not to worry and just to be with Jon. I went back to Jon and he starting talking to me about how he didn't know what just happened, he couldn't remember anything. 2 by 2 the paramedics starting showing up asking questions, poking Jon's finger, taking vitals and caring for Jon. My aunt called my mom and she was on her way to the ER. I grabbed some things and headed to the door. I got in my car and called Jon's mom and calmly told her I was driving behind an ambulance that had her son in it. At this point I had gotten all of my tears out and was calm. I made a few jokes (she didn't seem to think they were funny) and told her where we were headed. We got to the ER and followed Jon in, I called Bridget and told her what was gong on (she also commented on my calm and cool tone). They hooked him up and got things going, not long after Scott and Stacy showed up to lend their support. We sat and waited as Heidi his nurse got things situated and took blood, Lynette came and gave him a vascular ultrasound to check for blood clots, Ryan came too give him an EKG, Galen took him on a ride to x-ray and Chris took him to get a CT scan. Everything came back negative. I didn't really like the doctor we saw, all I can remember about her is that she kept mentioning how only 2 visitors were allowed in the room at a time, she didn't have a sense of humor AT ALL. The nice paramedics also stopped by to check on him. Scott, Stacy, my mom and I kept each other entertained through the 4 hours that we were there (don't worry we made sure Jon was good too). Finally as we were waiting to be discharged without a diagnosis Jon got hungry, so I (being the great wife that I am) spoon fed him some food. We left the hospital with only the advice to follow up with our primary care doc. I brought Jon home and tried to calm myself down, he called his friends at RPT and asked if they could help him out with his leg pain. I listened to him retell the story and it kept flashing in my mind, the image of his unresponsive body as I yelled and cried. I can't stop thinking about it, what if I wasn't home? what if I had lost him? what would I do without him? how crappy would I feel if I wasn't there? I took him out to RPT and sat as they told us they didn't know what the cause of his pain was but suggested we follow up with a primary care doc. This time he suggested a doc and even called to refer us. Thank you T.J. We drove home and I did some dishes and the images flashed in my mind again, as I type this I can't help but feel so thankful that he is still here, I am thankful for my supportive in-laws and family, I am thankful I was there to take care of him, I am thankful for an understanding boss, I am thankful for a great friend, I am thankful for EMS and their willingness to come help, I am thankful for my aunt who was here to help and calm enough to act appropriately, I am thankful for my job which provides me with health insurance and a paycheck that will help with the medical bills, I am thankful for Jon. I thought I knew before how much I loved him and would miss him but I learned another lesson today, I can't imagine life without him. I experienced a glimpse of that today as I sat and held him trying to get him to respond I don't want to ever deal with that and I have a great deal of respect for those who lose the ones they marry. It may see like I am overreacting or being dramatic, but I need to make a greater effort to let Jon know everyday and night how much he means to me and how much I love him. I need to make sure he is taken care of and knows I enjoy doing it. I need him to know I would do ANYTHING for him. Life is precious and can be taken away in a moment, I am glad I have more time with Jon.

While I am grateful for those who knew and called to make sure Jon was ok, I want to thank my mom for calling and asking me how I was doing (and skipping her meeting to sit with her daughter and son-in-law). She knows how much I care for Jon and know how traumatic this was to my new little married mind. She is not the only one I had a great friend ask and a wonderful sister in law, I am not trying to sound selfish but I think I went through more of an emotional roller coaster then Jon did. I was actually awake and dealing with the whole thing, so thank you to everybody for your concerns.

Happy 2011 to us, we probably filled our deductible on the 4th day, free doctor visits for the rest of the year!

Thank you to my mom for staying with us and getting breakfast.

Thank you Sara- I honestly don't know what I would have done without you.

Thank you Scott and Stacy for coming and supporting.

Thank you Rachel for the text.

Thank you Pam for the phone calls.

Thank you Alison, Eoughan, and Ethan for the prayers (Alison text me and told me the boys were said a little prayer for us, she said they love us so much and were very concerned)

Thank you Carrie and Bridget for being supportive.

Thank you Jon for staying alive.

Thank you Heavenly Father for allowing me to spend one more day with the man I love.