The Many Adventures of You & Me

What a few grand can buy in this economy....

• A 5 mm hole in your flesh (put there by the next one on the list)
• An incompetent resident
• Passing out episode #1
• A tiny cup of apple juice
• One stumped resident
• A walk in appointment to the Derm Clinic a few hours before I should be on a plane
• Christian and Rob- my new friends in Derm (came in handy when I needed another urgent appointment)
• Stitches that shouldn't be there (put there by #2 on the list)
• The opportunity to take out my own stitches with tweezers and scissors
• A bottle of antibiotics
• A visit with infectious diseases
• Another walk in appt- just had to show them the leg
• Stumped doctor Numero dos
• Itchy patches all over one leg- yep just one
• A needle poke and some VERY expensive labs
• An AWESOME sparkly band aide- Thanks PCMC
• A bottle of steroids- There was no Roid rage...whew
• A 2nd trip to Clinic 28 to see my friends
• Another puzzled doctor
• The opportunity to have my skin scraped off with a knife
• A different bottle of antibiotics
• Some more pricey testing
• Another stumped doctor (total: 3)
• Daily chats with the doctors I work with (take that stumped total up to approximately 8)
• The opportunity to share my medical history with everyone that comes through my office
• Semi Worried parents
• Another round of labs
• Daily phone calls from a concerned Grandmother
• A phone call or 2 from a interested cousin- she called for other reasons, this just casually came up :)
• 1,2 or 3 texts from a loving/ intrigued brother
• Round 1: A visit to the ER and quality time with Stacie, Mark, Dr. Gilbert and the Res
• Stacie: passed out on a patient (hilarious story)
• Mark: Has ADD, is a ski patrolman, and has seen a helicopter crash
• Dr. Gilbert: he is the man
• The Res: still no idea what his name is, he went to med school in Richmond, was a neurosurgeon at the U for 3 years, and now wants to be an ER doc
• A cute boy who unexpectedly comes to visit, and kept me entertained after I had a rough day and while I was being pumped full of meds. (you can't really buy him, I just lucked out)
• Many concerned Peruvian friends
• One sexy looking leg
• The opportunity to pass out.......again. Don't worry I am good at warning them.
• A circumferential wheel of liodcaine, STINGS!!
• An open wound for 4 + days
• Packing stuffed in my leg like a thanksgiving turkey
• One cankle (google it)
• BILLS, BILLS, BILLS
• Doctors orders to be lazy and not do ANY activity.
• 20 cc of "stuff" pouring out of my leg like Niagara Falls (gross I know but it felt great)
• Some AWESOME-LY colored coban. Red, bright green and bright blue
• A rockin bandage on you leg
• The joy of bonding with your young patients (they think its cool that you got a blood draw too, just like them!)
• Round 2 at the ER with Dr. Hazelton and Sue (nice lady)
• A semi lovely nap and yet another stumped doc and nurse
• The opportunity to not shave a section of 1 of your legs- it's sexy!
• Round 3 at the ER with Gary (an excellent nurse), Dr. Boyd, Case (yep thats his real name, I asked), and Jared (a tech thats been there everyday I have)
• Another LOVELY nap- really makes infusions go faster if you sleep the whole time
• PAIN- pulling out stuffing and shoving it back in HURTS!
• The opportunity to fulfill your ridiculously high insurance deductible.....Twice.
• 4 Gorgeous bright yellow hospital bracelets
• A needle shoved in your arm for 4 days straight (not 4 days in a row, a constant 4 days straight), no use taking it out if their just going to use it again the next day, might as well make me learn how life would be with one arm.
• An excuse not to wash your hair for 4 days (don't judge me I can't get my Left arm or Right leg wet and washing/doing your hair with 1 arm is difficult) Don't worry guys I did shower.
• Some awkward stares at my brightly bandaged leg and arm (looks good when wearing a skirt, I did coordinate one day)
• Many entertaining text conversations with the previously mentioned cute boy to get me through the 3 other visits. He also motivated me with a delicious home cooked meal.
• A conversation starter on your leg and arm
• A good excuse, for pretty much anything.
• Some quality people watching time.
• Another visit to Clinic 28- they miss me and are intrigued by me and my mystery disease.
• A few friends from the ER- I'm going to miss them.
• A reason to go talk to Bridget everyday (she needed updates)
• More RIDICULOUSLY large bandages.
• A few jokes (helmet)
• An awesome addition to my medical history
• Round 4 at the ER with Dr. Boyd, Trevor/his licorice, Jose/his lip ring, and Denise
• A RN singing Cecilia to me because that was the name of his last patient. I had to teach him the real lyrics, he was impressed by my vast knowledge of Simon and Garfunkel (I taught him about the song Aubrey and told him to look it up)
• A dream that you pass out and can't breath and your mom continues talking on the phone to Brandy Burningham.
• Another semi good afternoon nap
• Room 44- Its my room in the ER!
• A sad realization: I actually don't mind going to the ER, I might have a problem. I'm currently considering seeking help for it.
• The final bottle of antibiotics (cross your fingers)
• A visit to another pharmacy
• Over a month of PURE fun.
• And eventually another visit back to my homeboys in 28!

You may ask "What in the heck could be wrong with you and how did you ever get so lucky to get a deal...all of this for only a few grand?" Well some try to blame this on Peru. Peru I don't blame you, I love you and would go through it all again to have you back! Other then that theory...nobody has any idea. Don't be jealous, for a few grand you can have all this too. Well maybe not, I got lucky! __________________________________________

* PS: I found out the Residents name last night, Dr. Nathan Friedline, he saw my name on the board and came to check on me (still didn't introduce himself but I caught a peak at his badge.)

__________________________________________

* I did a little math and if my bills end up being $2000 ish dollars I only paid $25 for each of those bullet points. I'd say for most of them that's a STEAL!