The Many Adventures of You & Me

A seizure, a baby and the NICU

Wednesday November 16 at 8:15 am - I went to work thinking it would be a normal day... boy was I wrong! At 8:15 I walked down the hall to clinic 4 for my regular appointment. They usually take 15 mins, pee in cup, step on scale, measure, heartbeat, questions, leave. Simple, I had done it many times. I peed and got weight and sat in the room feeling extremely tired... more than normal but I didn't think anything of it. My doc came in (it was her 3rd day back from maternity leave) and started to measure my stomach as we talked. She pulled out the doppler to hear the heartbeat and I told her I wasn't feeling well (I had had this feeling before- hot, sweaty, tunnel vision- right before I passed out)

She helped me sit up and then it happened. I had a seizure. I woke up and my doctor was holding me asking if I knew where I was. I told her I was in clinic 4 and it was November 16th. She looked surprised that I was so coherent. She yelled out the door and asked for a wheelchair. At that moment I looked down at my pants... wet... Jon's favorite part of the story. My doctors smiled and said" yes you wet your pants" I just laughed, shrugged my shoulders and sat up. I was helped to the wheelchair and told I was going to labor and delivery (on the 2nd floor). I went out the back door of the clinic and into the elevators with people I see in the hall all the time... wet pants, pale face, sweat stains and all. I was put into a bed, poked and hooked up to machines. The doc asked for Jon's phone number so she could call him. (she left him a message that said "your daughter is ok, your wife is ok but you should get up here now"- Jon gave her a hard time about leaving out the pants wetting part). I was told I was having pretty consistent contraction... I couldn't feel them. After a blood draw, catheter (yuck), vitals and pads put on the rails (for protection) I grabbed my phone and called work. My boss wasn't going to come to work and we had a patient scheduled. I called somebody and asked them to take the orders upstairs, I called Dr. Longo, my boss and the nurses upstairs to get everything situated. Then I tried calling my mom (my dad was in India on a business trip) she didn't answer so I called my aunt to have her continue to try getting a hold on my mom.

The funny conversation went as follows:

me: sara can you do me a favor?

Sara: is it illegal?

me: no.

Sara: ok what do you need?

me: I need you to call my mom.

Sara: oook...

me: I had a seizure an am now in labor and delivery.

sara: WHAT?!?1 (tears, heavy breathing, more tears)

me: sara calm down, breathe. I need you to calm down before you talk to her.

I am fine

(hello I called you), the baby is fine.

sara: ooookkkk.

me: sara take five minutes to calm down and then call her.

sara: ok.

me: thank you

I sat in the room chillin and then Jon came in and I told him the story. At this point we had NO idea what the future was going to hold. I had blood work, urine tests, and a neurology consult. I didn't have high blood pressure but they did find protein in my urine which automatically signed me up for a 24 hour urine collection and a night in the hospital.

I know you are all wondering.... I had taken off my wet pants at this point and was chillin in a hospital gown with my uncomfortable catheter (can I mention how much I hate that thing?)

I was hooked up to an IV and pumped full of magnesium and fluids, I was also told I wasn't allowed to eat... just incase. We hung out and had many doctors and nurses stop in and ask questions.... then it all changed.

We had been told I would probably need a few more tests but they wanted to

get the whole team together and discuss "the plan." Later that afternoon one of the residents came in and said "after you have an EEG and an MRI we are going to induce you. You aren't leaving the hospital without a baby."

I looked at Jon with a shocked look on my face and started to wrap my head around everything.

I had my EEG... normal

my MRI... normal

balloon insertion to start "opening things up" NOT NORMAL and very PAINFUL

(especially when the resident has shaky hands, tries with the speculum and goes back to trying with the shaky hands)

IV medication... yes please!

then we waited...

around 4 am the nurse came in and broke my

water and started the pitocin.

we waited some more...

I sent a few emails to people at work

slept

waited

Around 1230 pm the resident walked in to check me and said, you're at a 10 we are going to set everything up.

It was a surreal moment. I was excited and couldn't believe I was going to have a baby!

They fixed my epidural, my legs became dead weight, and we got ready.

The nurse told me they had paged the doctor but while we waited we were going to start pushing.

legs lifted, nurse looked, legs lowered

Anna was apparently ready to come right then.

We had my doctor, 2 residents, an MA, and a few nurses chilling at the bottom of my bed just waiting.

I pushed and eventually (after 20 ish mins..?) out she came

Jon cut the cord and she was taken away.

The NICU nurses worked on her for a bit and wheeled her to the NICU.

Jon went with her and I didn't see him for a few hours.

I got all situated, told my mom she could go with Jon and was given a gross boxed lunch.

if anybody is counting I hadn't eaten since 645 on Wednesday morning, this was now 2 on Thursday afternoon

I sat in my room alone, wondering what had just happened.

everything that I had seen it was delivery, baby on chest, happiness.

I had no baby, no husband, nobody and no happiness.

I didn't feel any emotion, I didn't believe I had just had a baby

I was no longer pregnant (although I still looked like it)

For the next 2 weeks I didn't feel like a "normal mom"

Finally Jon came in and told me all about Anna.

Tubes, oxygen, medications and stats

5 pounds 2 ounces 18.5 inches long, dark hair and beautiful

We had lots of visitors

A LOT of people went and saw Anna

I was not one of them

I got wheeled in there, felt hot and dizzy and was wheeled out.

We enjoyed all of our visitors, talked laughed and moved rooms to the baby-less unit.

The unit where moms go who don't have their babies with them

We were left alone and nurses came in to check my vitals, reflexes, and everything every single hour

Finally around 3:45 I had a breakdown

Jon slept through it

I cried until 4:45 when the nurse came back in

she asked what was wrong (I think she was a little nervous I was in pain)

I told her I had a baby and everybody had seen her except me.

she was my child, I grew her, I gave birth to her but I hadn't even seen her.

She felt bad and told me she would get a wheel chair and I could go see her

at 5 am I finally got to see Anna.

I finally got to see the face of the little girl I grew

I got to touch her hand and see her with her IV, oxygen and feeding tube

It was sad but I am glad I didn't see he when she had the cPAP on.

I sat and stared at her, I was just amazed and in shock.

Th next few days were filled with visitors, holding Anna, filing out papers, skin to skin, working on breastfeeding....

It was wonderful.

I wore a hospital gown, walked down the hall to sleep and see my baby...

then they kicked me out and I cried

I didn't want to leave my child

this isn't how it is supposed to be

I want to be wheeled out holding the carseat, put her in the car and go home

not going to happen.

we were told she would be out by her due date (6 weeks away)

or about 1-3 weeks... but we just had to take it day by day.

Anna had 3 goals to accomplish before she came home:

1: maintain her body temperature

2: eat everything by mouth

3: no oxygen

On saturday we were discharged.

I walked our to my car, holding Jon's hand leaving my little girl behind.

I knew she was in good hands but she was mine

, I carried her around for 34 weeks, I grew her, Felt her, gave birth to her and then had to leave her.

I was crushed. I wanted to feel like a mom, I wanted the "normal" experience. I wanted my child.

I cried the whole way home and when I walked into our house without my belly or my baby I glanced at her room and wondered when I was going to bring her home.

For the next 2 weeks Jon and I spent a lot of quality time together staring at our little girl and enjoying the time as a family. Jon and I decided it would be best if I went back to work, so on tuesday I went back to the office. The days were long, I worked, I nursed, worked, nursed...

I think it helped, it passed the time and gave me something to do so I didn't sit and cry.

Finally on December 1, 2011 my dreams came true. I walked to the front of the hospital and waited for Jon to pull the car around. We put Anna in the car and drove home as a family.

It was a great feeling.

I now get to enjoy my sleepless nights and maternity leave!

What a blessing little Anna banana is, she has taught us many lessons so far.

We couldn't imagine life without her

We love her and are excited to start life with our family.

How she got her name: Anna was actually was named before Jon and I were even engaged. One day in the summer of 2009 I met Jon's grandparents... Berlin and Shirley. A few days later I was walking down the hall at work with Bridget and I told her IF Jon and I ever got married and had kids I would name our daughter after his grandpa. Her name would be Anna Berlin (I think it flows, I am big on names "flowing" and girls having middle names). Josh and Justin nicknamed her Annaber. When we found out she was a she we started talking about names. Jon was hesitant because he didn't want to name is girl after his grandpa. (you can't name a girl after my grandpa, he is a man) Looks like I won, the name grew on him and when we told grandpa he was thrilled and now whenever I see him he is so excited and talks to me about it.

Thats they story of how our little Anna B made an entrance into this world.

She has a huge personality, is stubborn, adorable and a daddys girl.

The next 20 years are going to be fun!