Tonight as I put Anna to bed I really missed a few things...
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE her, I LOVE that she sleep for 10 hours, I LOVE her smile and her stubborn personality but...
I miss my belly.
I miss being in labor.
The main thing I remember about the whirlwind that was November 16-17 was I had SO much fun. We laughed, enjoyed visitors, made jokes, became friends with the nurses and I couldn't have better memories of those days.
I miss this.
The moment Jon and I were told we were going to finally meet our little girl
(along with the other 15 people in the room)
As weird as it sounds I sometimes miss the NICU.
Having my sweet tiny peanut in there was a surreal experience.
I learned so much.
Jon and I had the opportunity to spend some quality time staring at her, learning with her, talking and silently enjoying family time. I wouldn't want to go back but I still have a great amount of love and respect for those who cared for Anna while I couldn't.
I miss her being so small.
and I really do miss those exhausting first few weeks.
They will always hold some of my best memories.
It will never be the same, I will never have a first baby again.
I would relive those days (along with my wedding day) over and over if I could.
Thankfully there have been many fun days since and many more in the future.
Dear Heavenly Father-
Thank you for helping me forget the few uncomfortable moments and the sickness, however I only remember the good which makes me think I am going to have a million kids that are only a year apart. Also, thank you for giving me Jon, he always let me know when I am being completely irrational.
{oh and thank you for Anna and her lovable smile and squish-able cheeks}

a few leftovers from St. Patrick's Day
{outfit provided by great aunt Sara}
4 months
{the outfit is getting small}
weight 13.71 lbs - 51%
height 23.15 in - 12%
head 16.0 - 43%
we have a short chub on our hands right now :)
At 4 months you love to...
eat your hand
watch sports with your dad
sleep!!!
smile
make funny noises
be outside
go to young womens
wiggle
sit up in your bumbo
{this little lady got some shots today... she was a little grumpy after}

St. Patrick's Day 2012
Grandpa and Anna "helped out" while grandma and I made some visiting teaching treats
My little leprechaun
Jon's Breakfast
Jon's lunch
I found this little peanut cozy and happy
Harry o' Clancy left me the best pot of gold ever!
That was just the beginning... we still have dirt pudding, stew and more candy!
plus a VERY cute outfit from sara/paul

The Blessing
3.11.12
We had a lovely windy day with the family. Hannah and Anna were blessed and we enjoyed a weekend with family (many who traveled from California or Idaho). It was so much fun and I am thankful for all of the support. Jon did an amazing job, Ann
a is so lucky to have him as her dad. Here are the pictures...
Great Grandma and Grandpa Jensen
The men from Jon's side
Grandma and Grandpa Hansen
my little baby
with great aunt sara
with uncle paul- who traveled from washington!
Thanks paul!
we are "special"
Hannah was also blessed
Anna and uncle Justin
The whole Rob Lang family together
daddy and anna
The grandkids
The men
my brothers
grandpa/uncle steve with his daughter and granddaughter
Jessica took some cute pictures, when I get them from her I will post them.

There will be joy ahead

{I was reading this blog today and had to share it along with a few of my own.}

As I wait at Target, a young couple pushes a stroller in the line behind me. The stroller, brand new, appears to be on its maiden voyage. I peer at the tiny sleeping newborn, his fingers curled up near his ruddy face.

“You guys do good work!” I comment. The parents beam with pride, but the weariness in their eyes lets me know that they are all still in the process of getting to know each other. The lady behind the couple glances at the stroller as well, and asks. “Is this your first?” They nod proudly. ”Just wait…” she snorts, and then follows with a comment about unruly teenagers.

Inwardly, I wince. We seem to live in a country overrun by a great lot of negative naysayers when it comes to parenting. I remember hearing comments like that when I was a new (and overwhelmed!) mom. It seemed that many parents were suffering from a chronic case of disappointment and dissatisfaction called ”Just-Wait-itis,” characterized by the inflammation of impending doom in parenthood….I felt trapped in a swirl of know-it-alls who were warning me that the worst was yet to come.

Of course, now that my kids are teenagers, I know the truth. Parenting is complicated; it’s wonderful and challenging. Exhausting and gut wrenching. Heart warming and heart breaking.

And, at the outset, parenting can be utterly daunting. It just doesn’t help when others douse young parents with stories leading to doubt and despair.

Instead, we seasoned moms could infuse joy into our “just waits…” As I regard this weary pair, I think of so many things I could say…

Just wait until your preschool son sees you in the hallway at pick up time and covertly grins and waves to you. (It’s the best flirting in the world.)

Just wait until you watch your kindergartener jump off the bus after that first day, triumphant and tired, melting into your arms.

Just wait until your son is up to bat, and strikes out, holding it together despite disappointment. And just wait until the crack of the bat meeting the ball surprises him and he races to first base…safe.

Just wait until your daughter stands up for a classmate who is struggling, and her peers, humbled, apologize. { I hope Anna will do this}

Just wait until your child, painfully tethered to tubes and machines in the hospital, whispers, “I just want my mommy.” (and you are suddenly aware that your presence is more powerful than any prescription.)

Just wait until your son gets his very first summer job and he is, unmistakably, walking taller and more confidently as a result.

Just wait until your child’s quick sense of humor makes you double over with laughter.

Just wait until you hear your son invite a friend to church.

Just wait until your daughter receives her first college acceptance and you find yourself overcome with tears…not because she’s leaving, but because she’s ready.

The baby in the stroller whimpers, breaking my reverie. I smile at the couple and look them straight in the eye. “You have so much joy ahead of you…” I remark…“Just wait.”

I was talking to my friend the other day {she had a sweet little boy about 3 months after Anna}, we were talking about feeding, nursing, sleeping, etc. I remember telling her {since I am apparently the source of mommy knowledge} just wait until he smiles at you on purpose everything will be worth it. Every. Single. Thing. you sacrificed will be worth it with that one little smile. So I sat here and thought about my 4 months of mommyhood and here is the joy I have found along the way.

Just wait until you get to see & hold her for the first time
{after everybody else has already seen her- yes it still bugs me that a good amount of friends & family saw my daughter before I even got a peek at her}
Just wait until you are the only one who can comfort her
Just wait until you finally get to take her out of her bed and do skin to skin
Just wait until she grows stronger
Just wait until she gets the whole "nursing" thing down
Just wait until she progresses in the NICU
{hopefully nobody has to go through that}
Just wait until her heart rate and breathing drop when you talk/hold her
Just wait until the moment the doctor tells you she is doing great and gets to leave
Just wait until she finally comes home
Just wait until you are so worried about her you sleep on the floor her first night home
Just wait until your world is put in to perspective
Just wait until you realize nothing else matters
Just wait until you finally feel purpose
Just wait until you realize you are going to sacrifice your life for her & you wouldn't want it any other way
Just wait until you get to spend her first major holiday as a family
{it will be more fun when she is older but it was still a blast}
Just wait until she does something that makes you laugh every time you think about it
{ i miss my tiny little peanut- when did she get so big?}
Just wait until she laughs and smiles when you make a fool out of yourself
Just wait until you walk around the neighborhood and explain the world to her.
Just wait until she accomplishes something big and has a huge grin on her face while you cheer
Just wait until her little cousin says she needs to change her diaper every time she cries
{or even sees her}
"Aubrey, Anna is crying I need to go look at her and change her diaper."
"Aubrey where is Anna I need to change her diaper."
"Anna is sleeping I need to change her diaper."
Just wait until she looks around and takes in the world
{she is just like her mommy- she LOVES to people watch}
Just wait until she brings your family so much closer
Just wait until you watch your brothers worry, cry, laugh, smile, love...
all because of that little human.
Just wait until you see your brothers worry about you and your daughter and you feel their love more than ever before.
Just wait until she grabs your finger for the first time.
Just wait until she wiggles and smiles when you are talking to her
Just wait until she sleeps through the night and when she sees you in the morning she smiles
Just wait until she cuddles with you
Just wait until her eyes follow you as you walk around the room
Just wait until you can show her things for the first time {snow!}
Just wait until her aunts, uncles and cousins run to greet her when you walk in the door
Just wait until she is sitting on your lap watching you type and just smiles {even when you aren't looking}
Just wait until you watch your husband fall in love with her
Just wait until you are getting ready and you hear your husband talking to her like she understands
Just wait until you are gone for a few hours and you come home and snuggle
Just wait until that little life makes you love & appreciate your mom more than ever
Just wait until you watch your brother hold still for hours just laughing and smiling while she sleeps
or working so hard to make her smile, giving her nicknames, or not getting mad when she throws up on them
Just wait because even though there are many times throughout the day when you want to give up, the small joyful moments will always outweigh the bad
I understand I am only 4 months in but I am enjoying everyday, every smile, every cry, every new thing learned, every snuggle....and looking forward to all the joyful moments to come.I realize there will be hard times, I realize she will be a teenager one day {or a 2 year old} but I am positive there will be many joyful moments during those times.
Those are the times I am "just waiting" for, the others will come and go and we will get through them.